A Girls Guide to Sex Toys - Part Seven

Okay, for all of you waiting breathlessly for Thursday to arrive...It's Thursday!  And you know what that means?  Time for the next installment of A Girl's Guide to Sex Toys.

In my trolling of the interwebs, I often stumble across shit that just has me shaking my head thinking "What the Hell are they thinking????"  Well, in regards to sex toys, I had that moment last week.  I am still in shock a little, and feel sort of like I was passing a train wreck and just had to look.

Those who are not into pain, interested in some BDSM practices, or just get grossed out easily, you may want to pause right here and move on with your day.  Those with stronger consitutions, I so have some weird crap to show you!

Today's post is all about Penis Jewelry.  Yes, I said that right, Penis Jewelry.  And I am not talking about just a piercing, noooo, we are taking it to a whole nutha lebel.

Now, just to make sure we are all on the same page here, I want to review what the most common penis piercing is, as it plays a strong role in what comes next.  Most of us have heard about the Prince Albert piercing (although, I will have to admit that I wasn't exactly sure where it went! I once dated a guy who was pierced down south, but it was a spike along the top of the shaft, not a PA.)

A Prince Albert, or PA, according to Wikipedia is "a ring-style piercing that extends along the underside of the glans from the urethral opening to where the glans meets the shaft of the penis."


I look at that and think "OUUUUCH!" (Said it my best E.T. voice of course!)

But supposedly it does heighten pleasure for both males and their partners, so it can technically be classified as a sex toy, as it aids or heightens pleasure.  It is also claimed to hold off male orgasm, so it can help lengthen lovemaking and potentially help women gain the big O.

Now this type of piercing is dangerous, as it can be pulled out easily, and by pulled out, I mean pulled through.  Don't believe me?  You can check it out HERE.  (Don't click there if you are about to eat.  Seriously.  I warned you.  Didn't I?  But you just had to click.  And now you wish you hadn't.  Not my fault.  Just saying.)

Now, I know what you are thinking, Geeze, Alex, we have heard about dude's getting their cock's pierced for like FOR EVAH.....what's this crap???   I'm here because I want to know about SEX TOYS!!!

Well, there are an ASSORTMENT of additional pieces that can be used with there yonder Prince Albert piercing that made me do a double take.

First off, there is the Prince's Wand.  This little sucker is pushed through the male's urethra (yes, where he pees and cums) and then is secured in the holes of his PA piercing.

Umm, yeah.  Think I am bullshitting?  HERE is a link where you can watch a man insert one into himself and screw the little balls on.

There are of course Pierce-less Prince's Wand too, that have a piece of steel that wraps around the bottom of the head to secure....you don't want some random rod in your pecker not fastened to where you can get it out!

Some of these are your basic stainless steel rod and circle, but then there are others that are actually a little more clever and artistic.

The pieces are supposed to be able to be used while having intercourse, but of course, some common sense and a little patience would have to be used to ensure



Don't stop now....it gets even better.  We already reviewed butt plugs in previous week's of the Girl's Guide....but did you KNOW they have PENIS PLUGS??  YES, THEY MOTHA-EFFFING DO!

OH. MY. GAWD.  And I thought that Prince Albert looked painful?  I realized the mistake in my thinking once I saw the array of penis plugs available on the market.  There are short ones, long ones, fat ones, and OHMYGODHOWAREYOUGONNAFITTHATINTHATLITTLEHOLE big ones.

Most of these items are used in male subs in BDSM play - they are used as a means of ensuring chastity in the sub, preventing them from orgasm.  Some even have spaces where they can be locked onto the wearer via small master lock.

So, taking this to the next step, you find chastity wear.  "Cock cages" can be mass produced, but the majority are custom ordered to fit the particular male.

These chastity "cages" are worn by those interested in a taste of pain in their love play, so they are not just about dom-sub relationships.  It is written that it can help a man learn to hold his erection longer and learn to control his body during sex, and then there are others who take it a little bit further and hook these bad boys up to electrical current and zap themselves to orgasm.  Don't believe me?  Proof is  HERE.  (Definitely not for the faint of heart or those under 21!!  And this will take you to a video of a man who loves electrified cages and shows it!)

Now I know I typically discuss the history and why's of the sex toy I spotlight on the Girl's Guide, but not much was available.  It seems that the PA piercing was made popular in the early 1970 and began to gain favor afterwards as piercing became more and more popular, and that BDSM aficionados took to piercing and began combining their interests -- which truly are not too far afield from one other.  The Prince Albert piercing is claimed to be named after Prince Albert, consort of Queen Victoria of England who lived from 1819 -1861 and it is supposed that he had this type of penis piercing, inventing it in order to tame the appearance of his large penis in tight trousers.

Apparently, ole Albert was hung like a horse, and the tight pants made fashionable by Beau Brummell caused men of larger lengths to have an unsightly bulge.  So according to legend, Albert and many other large men of the time, pierced their cocks, and hung them from one side of the pants or the other, to what is called a dressing ring.

Considering that Queen Victoria was the largest proponent of marriage and family, as well as shaping Victorian attitudes about the immorality of sex, then it seems rather far-fetched to conclude that it truly was named after Prince Albert.  Plus, lack of current standards of medical treatment would lead me to think this is a bunch of hooey.  Most folks believe it is an urban legend.

In all actuality, penis piercing dates back to at least the Kama Sutra, where Indian men would pierce their penis, add weights to them, and then increase their penises to unusable lengths of up to three feet.  YES, THREE FEET.  They would then wrap their penis around their waist and charge people to look at it.  The first circus freak show.

Three feet? **Shaking my head**

I can't offer a whole lot of suggestions or points of concern for these items, as I didn't even know they existed before last week.  I think the common sense approach (yeah, I know there are a lot of people out there with NONE of that) is in order.  Keeping the items used incredibly clean, as well as, hands of anyone handling the contraption before insertion, just because of the potential for infection.  And of course, if they are used sexually, going slowly to ensure they do not cause pain for either of the participants.  I also doubt they would work well during anal sex due to the delicacy of anal tissue, but you know, whatever floats your boat.

Okay, thanks for visiting the TRAIN WRECK edition of the Girl's Guide to Sex Toys.  Anyone interested in suggesting a topic for next week, feel free to add it to a comment below.